“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.” – Henry David Thoreau.
Daydreamer. Mouseketeer. Pop’s reigning teen princess. Half of America’s sweetheart duo (with Justin Timberlake). Then: fallen idol. A rebound relationship that gives her two sons and the tabloids a huge amount of fodder. Divorce, followed by what seems like a series of breakdowns. And finally a conservatorship run by her dad that lasts thirteen years.
That’s the life of Britney Spears, detailed in her memoir “The Woman in Me.”
And if it were adapted for the screen, it would be hard not to classify it as a tale of psychological horror. At least, from the midpoint onward.
From an early age, Spears daydreamed about being somewhere far away—away from an alcoholic dad (himself abused by a tyrannical father) and a chronically unhappy mom—and when the opportunity came, she took it. She worked hard at singing and dancing and, on her second audition, made it into the Mickey Mouse Club, which was the start of her rise to stardom. Although the show only lasted a short while, it left her with a good TV credit and a connection to her fellow ex-Mouseketeers, including future boyfriend Timberlake, who had joined a band called N’Sync. Soon enough, the next opportunity came along, putting her demo in the hands of a successful music producer; she was then making albums and touring, going from mall appearances to stadium concerts quickly… and her life would change in ways she could never have imagined.
She describes how her relationship with Timberlake was genuine but widely misunderstood; he cheated on her often, something he was careful never to have known, while she cheated on him once. She had an abortion because he wasn’t ready to be a dad—and he dumped her soon after, then used the breakup to power the public relations for his first solo album. (It’s pretty clear he had a better PR team and a strategy in place when he broke up with her—by text, no less. The story doesn’t paint Timberlake in a very good light.)
She then describes how Kevin Federline came along at the right time, showing her the attention she needed. She’s forthright about how that relationship curdled as he smelled the possibility of fame for himself, how he used their kids against her, how her own family never had her back—and how all of that led to a downward spiral of desperation that she couldn’t halt.
She doesn’t spare her family (especially her father, mother or sister Jamie Lynn [who comes off exceptionally badly]) or ex-friends (including Christina Aguilera) from some scathing recollections. These may seem like score-settling but honestly, that’s part of what a memoir is; they’ve all told their side of the story and now she’s telling hers.
The second half of the book (more or less) details the thirteen years when she was under a conservatorship run by her father—a failed businessman and alcoholic who conspired with others to exploit her, life well off her fortune, and keep her under his thumb. The litany of rules and restrictions under which she lived is brutal, with punishment coming in the form of commitment to one psychiatric hospital or another. Starved because her father insisted she was fat, living on an allowance, not allowed to use a phone or go out to dinner with friends… she was a prisoner. Forced to do her Las Vegas residency, she describes how she was joyless in those performances, refusing to give her father (and by extension her fans) what they wanted, a situation she deeply regrets (for the fans’ sake).
She talks about how she lost her love of music and how empty life had become, until small things came together and rekindled her willingness to fight for herself.
All in all, it’s a terrific memoir. Spears is honest, open, compassionate, and deeply empathetic. She admits to the bad decisions and mistakes she made along the way, while openly questioning why showbiz turned on her so enthusiastically, why the media seemed bent on wrecking her happiness, what made her family so cruel to her. She talks about how much she loves her sons and how her recovery since the conservatorship has been complicated.
It’s a story about how one can seem to have it all while having almost nothing when the stage lights go dim. It’s a story about survival, recovery, defiance, and the heartbreak of losing everything because nobody was on her side—or were kept away from her through lies and manipulations—for far too long. And, as she’s reached the age of 41, it’s about finding out who she is after all this time.
It’s a fantastic book. Highly recommended.
