RIOTUS

I grew up on Hong Kong action—films, I mean. Hong Kong action films were a favorite in my nuclear family. We went ballistic for The Shaw Brothers catalog and spent weekends at the Saturday Martial Arts Matinee. I became an action addict watching those movies, especially when they made me laugh, but secretly, I loved the romance just as much. In college, the clerk at a DC video store introduced me to Jet Li, Anita Mui, Michelle Yeoh, and Maggie Chen. I’ve continued to fall in love with action heroes since then, but no one has taken their place. After one glance at the trailer for LOVE HURTS—an action-romance-comedy—that familiar sense of anticipation returned. More on that below and because I’m feeling nostalgic, here are some other picks to enjoy once the credits roll.

LOVE HURTS: Bad Movie, Good Time

In LOVE HURTS, Ke Huy Quan is Marv Gable, a storybook-styled, cookie baking, realtor with a hidden past as a killer. His quiet life is suddenly annihilated when the former mob accountant he claims he buried returns from the dead for Valentine’s Day. Her name is Rose (Ariana DeBose) and she has a message for everyone she used to know. Marv has a ‘love thing’ for Rose, but it starts to sting when his brother Knuckles (Daniel Wu) sends a deck of colorful and quirky assassins after them (Marshawn Lynch, Mustafa Shakir, André Eriksen, and Cam Gigandet). As Marv desperately clings to his new life, we begin to see glimpses of the monster he used to be, but it’s Valentine’s Day and love is going to get its way. 

Directed by Jonathan Eusebio, known for his stunt coordination in the John Wick series, this action-comedy-romance is a pop-corny festival of violence. The fights are so much fun, and they should be when you have martial artists Quan and Wu on set. Still, there’s way too much exposition—like the characters are reading the quiet part of the script out loud. Yet, there’s not enough backstory to lock us in. I know I sound like someone’s grandpa, but so many of the gags and plot beats put the corn in popcorn. From the set-ups to the cameos (Property Brothers star Drew Scott); the hilariously bloody set pieces to the pair of bizarre love stories, LOVE HURTS isn’t a good movie, but it’s a good time. A ridiculously over-the-top (both campy and absurd), questionably romantic, bombastically violent, big ole mess that I enjoyed so much.

This movie is well aware of its absurdity and plays up its geeky genre tropes. It’s my dream to hold out my hand and have someone put a fresh boba in it every time—just like Daniel Wu’s character Knuckles (if you’re curious, it’s green tea passion fruit for me). LOVE HURTS also features one of the greatest comedians alive today: Marshawn “Beastmode” Lynch. True to its premise, the character development pops in the pairings. Lynch and Eriksen, Shakir and Lio Tipton as Ashley. One of the hardest hitting moments is a quieter scene between Sean Astin and Wu. Astin plays Marv’s best friend and mentor, Cliff (a Goonies reunion). He and Wu are opposing forces, representing the two eras in Marv’s life, and Astin punches us in the chest so hard that when LOVE HURTS ends, it’s that scene you’ll remember.

But, before all others, we have Quan and DeBose. Ke Huy Quan is one of the most lovable human beings of all time, but he’s also a stunt coordinator with a second-degree black belt in taekwondo. DeBose is perpetually on her Queen business, both charming and versatile. If anything, I wish LOVE HURTS had given us more of their love, so that seeing how things fell apart in their past lives would’ve hurt more.

LOVE SCARS: The Fall Guy

Criminally underrated, The Fall Guy (2024) is a stunt person’s charcuterie board of meaty action and cheesy romance, delivering a dizzying experience that’s emotionally satisfying. Ryan Gosling is Colt Seavers, a seasoned Hollywood stuntman who returns from a neck-breaking injury to find himself drawn into a real-life action adventure. Directed by David Leitch, known for Atomic Blonde and Bullet Train, as well as for producing John Wick, and LOVE HURTS, the movie showcases jaw-dropping stunts and ingeniously choreographed fight scenes that push the boundaries of on-screen action. But what grabs your heart is how The Fall Guy balances those adrenaline-pumping sequences with an endearingly wacky romantic subplot, as Colt attempts to rekindle his relationship with his ex-girlfriend Jody, played by our beloved Emily Blunt. The chemistry between Gosling and Blunt, combined with Leitch’s signature style of blending humor with intense action, creates a whirlwind of love and danger.

LOVE WOUNDS: True Lies

True Lies (1994) is my quintessential over-the-top action-romance-comedy, blending heart-pounding espionage with sizzling couples comedy. Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as Harry Tasker, a secret agent juggling world-saving missions with suburban family life, while Jamie Lee Curtis is the MVP as Harry’s unsuspecting wife Helen, whose desire for excitement unwittingly drops her into his dangerous world. From horseback chases through hotels to Harrier jet rescues atop skyscrapers, director James Cameron delivers high-octane action sequences that push the boundaries of cinematic spectacle. Yet, it’s the ability to balance these adrenaline-fueled moments with genuine romantic tension and giggles that makes True Lies so juicy. Inspired by the French film La Totale! (1991), it laid the foundation for a whole sub-genre of romantic spy action comedies. Without this fusion of genres, we might not have met Mr. and Mrs. Smith, in any iteration, or the many Mr. and Mrs. Spy films that followed.

LOVE MARS: Romeo Must Die

Most people will compare LOVE HURTS to the Rush Hour franchise—and based on Ke Huy Quan’s suit along with his Jackie Chan-style role in Everything Everywhere All At Once, I won’t argue. That doesn’t stop me from offering up a more suitable alternative. Romeo Must Die (2000) is a fusion of Hong Kong action and Hollywood romance in a hip-hop world that still makes me smile. This blend of martial arts mayhem and star-crossed love did it first. Jet Li stars as Han Sing, a former cop who travels to LA to avenge his brother’s death. While the lovely, irreplaceable Aaliyah is Trish O’Day, the daughter of an opposing crime boss. Their forbidden romance unfolds amidst a turf war between their families, with each encounter sparking cute romantic tension and explosive action. Director Andrzej Bartkowiak and fight choreographer Corey Yuen create action sequences that showcase why Li is one of the G.O.A.Ts of martial arts, including wire stunts and the stylistic use of X-ray effects to show bones breaking during fight scenes. While the film may not feature a climactic kiss, that final hug is all we need. With playful banter, flirtatious undertones, and a soundtrack that rattles your speakers, the chemistry between Li and Aaliyah sparkles.

—xoxo—

An extended list from me and my friends: Free Guy (I should’ve written about this one), Romancing the Stone, The Princess Bride, The Lost City, Gorgeous with Jackie Chan and Shu Qi, The Mummy, Hit Man (2024), A Low Down Dirty Shame, The Mask of Zorro, Big Trouble in Little China, Date Night