op-ed / guest post by Nicki Gonzalez
No, there’s nothing wrong with you. Anora sucked. Best Picture, my ass.
Stripper/sex worker meets spoiled, rich, Russian kid. In a fantastical turn of events he marries her within a week. His Russian parents fly in some goons to track them down and force an annulment. The kid takes off without her. We watch her act trashy and chaotic for the next 90 minutes, resisting her captors and mouthing off in an abysmal, fake NY accent (down there with Brad Pitt in Seven Years In Tibet or Keanu Reeves in Dracula). The Russian “tough guys” are uncharacteristically sympathetic to her and even clumsy at times – almost like the robbers in Home Alone – except that was a comedy and this isn’t.
Our young lady protagonist has all the range and charm of the catch-me-outside girl, and we’re given no reason to like her or root for her. There’s no character development, the acting is sophomoric, the dialogue is hackneyed and gratuitously vulgar with little else to offer. Her character sort of speaks Russian but this serves absolutely no purpose in the anemic plot line. Finally, (spoiler alert) the film nears its end as the nicest henchman takes her back to the city. She spends the entire evening insulting him yet by morning he finds it in his tender heart to slip her the engagement ring that he apparently absconded with from her now ex-husband. She starts to give him a lil’ free nookie in the car because #gratitude, but ends up crying in his arms instead. Roll credits.
…
… [yawn]
I’m baffled and low-key disturbed that The Academy found the film’s student-level writing Oscar-worthy. Perhaps they felt we’re due to award Best Picture to a movie about a sex worker again, but Taxi Driver or Boogie Nights this film is not. It’s more like an extended episode of Jersey Shore with a lot more titties and no cool nicknames.
No need to make it rain for this sleazy lap dance. It’s free on Hulu. You’re welcome.
–xx–
Synopsis
Anora, a young sex worker from Brooklyn, gets her chance at a Cinderella story when she meets and impulsively marries the son of an oligarch. Once the news reaches Russia, her fairytale is threatened asthe parents set out for New York to get the marriage annulled.
written, directed, and edited by Sean Baker
Starring
Mikey Madison
Mark Eydelshteyn
Yura Borisov
Karren Karagulian
Vache Tovmasyan
