I had the good fortune to see Amazon Prime’s War of the Worlds starring Ice Cube. And I say good fortune NOT because this film was a masterstroke of cinematic craftsmanship but rather a blessing of a once-in-a-generation movie that is made so bad that it could be confused as Bauhausian-performance-art. I found myself enjoying this catastrophe of a movie. Karma, forgive me.
As an aside, if you did not know, the Bauhaus movement was an architectural movement that was more focused on functionality and mass production with a nod to fine arts…albeit a blind nod.
With that in mind, I will say this the only thing this movie has going for it is:
1) it technically counts as a movie and;
2) someone wanted it made and made it was, with the pandering aesthetic of a politician trying to survive a side-chick, baby mama abortion scandal but less intriguing.
Let me begin by saying this:
Dear Iceiklees Jamarios Cube, Just. Why. The man who did XXX:State of the Union is better than this.
And now, we shall move on to my sonnet entitled War of the Worlds: Ain’t Got No Haters…but me.
I know what the title of the article is, but I couldn’t decide on a title, so I’m using both; that’s how much of a hater I am.
Our story begins with William Radford (Ice Cube), a domestic terror analyst at Homeland Security, beginning his day. We see him through a fish-eye lens, which sets the stage for the horcrux of the entire movie. He is stationed in a seemingly highly advanced room, showing that not only is he a highly skilled intelligence officer, but also not afraid to look like he is a cub reporter for Frederick Douglass’ newspaper, The North Star
What starts as a normal day is interrupted when a NASA analyst, Sandra Salas (Eva Longoria) reports strange weather phenomena occurring around the globe.
Now don’t ask me why NASA is watching and recording weather when it’s the job of NOAA—oh wait, probably because the President reduced funding, curtailing some of their resources.
But. I. Digress.
What follows can only be described as an Aristotelian confluence of events that, at best, is laughable and at worst a crime against all creative endeavors, starting with the phrase, “I watch people, not weather” from Mr Radford.
From the abuse of a National Security surveillance apparatus to spy on his daughter’s life or hacking his son’s video game and deleting it, Ice Cube’s character is closer to Fred G. Sanford than Steve Jobs. However, despite cliché attempts at making him likable (see dead-wife-syndrome), he just comes off as intrusive and somewhat creepy.
And then the Aliens attack…
We are gifted with a worldwide perspective of the world going to crap through the lens of an illegal surveillance system, which covers every country…and space. Followed by a plethora of Ice Cube’s facial contortions masquerading as reactions to the destruction he sees, as the world blows up, on multiple screens from his security bunker.
The sheer audacity of this film, to “update” H. G. Wells’ War of the Worlds, is bordering on Sharknado territory, but not Snakes on a Plane. The acting overall is shallow, relying on a viewership that will connect with clichés in lieu of a plausible plot.
While there is more I could surely rail against in this movie, such as poor acting, an unbelievable plot, and illogical storytelling, there is no need to kick a horse when it’s down. I leave you with this: no prior adaptation of this seminal work has so comprehensively vacuumed every molecule of excitement from HG Wells’s science-fiction cornerstone as this lamentable new War of the Worlds. The Martians’ grand assault is here rendered through the electrifying lenses of Zoom webcams, wobbly phone streams, and the edge-of-your-seat drama of a Google Maps refresh. And this is seasoned with the Ice Cube operating within a remarkably limited emotional palette: a default scowl and the occasional detonation of theatrical bluster. Neither conveys the impression of someone a responsible functioning government would entrust with so much as a set of spare keys to the CIA’s washroom, let alone the technology to eavesdrop on whomever takes his fleeting fancy.
To save yourselves, from watching this movie, here are the acceptable adaptations of
H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds within the last 125 years.
Pre-Film Era (Before 1900s–1920s)
1901 – The War of the Worlds Stage Play – An early British theatrical adaptation staged just a few years after the novel’s release.
1902 – Camille Flammarion’s Illustrated French Edition – Not a performance, but a lavishly illustrated edition that visually “adapted” Wells’ vision for continental audiences.
1904 – First U.S. Stage Adaptation – Performed in New York; replaced English countryside with American settings.
1938 – Orson Welles’ War of the Worlds Radio Broadcast – The Mercury Theatre on the Air’s Halloween broadcast that caused panic by presenting the invasion as real news.
1949 – Radio Quito Broadcast (Ecuador) – Inspired by Orson Welles’ version; caused real riots when mistaken for actual events.
Film & Television Adaptations (1950s–Present)
1953 – The War of the Worlds – Byron Haskin / George Pal classic, Cold War allegory.
1965 – Daleks – Invasion Earth: 2150 A.D. – Doctor Who feature film with Daleks; thematically inspired by Wells’ Martian invasion structure.
1981 – BBC Radio Drama – Full-cast dramatization faithful to the original novel’s Edwardian setting.
1988–1990 – War of the Worlds TV Series – A syndicated continuation of the 1953 film, set decades later.
2005 – Spielberg’s War of the Worlds – Modernized disaster epic starring Tom Cruise.
2005 – The Asylum’s H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds – Low-budget, more novel-faithful.
2012 – War of the Worlds: Goliath – Animated steampunk alternate history set in 1914.
2012 – War of the Worlds: The True Story – Mockumentary treating Wells’ tale as factual history.
2013 – The Great Martian War 1913–1917 – History Channel docu-drama merging WWI with Martian invasion.
2019 – BBC’s The War of the Worlds – Period-accurate Edwardian miniseries.
2019–2022 – Fox Europe’s War of the Worlds – Modern-day reimagining set in France and the UK.
