RIOTUS

Are you hot? Are you thirsty? Are you thirsty because you’re hawt? Baby, beware.

In the new FX adaptation, fatal beauty is an STI (sexually transmitted infection. And no one survives. The Beauty, created and written by Ryan Murphy and Matthew Hodgson, is based on the Image comic book series by Jeremy Haun and Jason A. Hurley.  And when I tell you it’s a body horror, action thriller, serial killer, procedural, satire, I’m not telling you everything.

But, maybe we should start with the cast. Yes, let’s start with this lineup. It’s more starrer than an astrology reading. Oh, and I’ll throw in the set-up for the show because you’re going to need that too.

The glamor machine turns lethal when international supermodels start overheating and exploding into gorgeously gory bits—and the blood overflows from the runways to the streets. FBI Agents Cooper Madsen (Evan Peters) and Jordan Bennett (Rebecca Hall) are assigned to the case, only to find something nasty that came out of a lab and started a body count (pun intended). That’s the sexually transmitted virus I mentioned. It’ll fix you up faster than a snap filter, turning “ordinary” into their own versions of perfection. And then they get the lives they want—until the consequences ricochet like hollow-point bullets.

But it’s a major beauty moment, so you know there’s a billionaire involved. “The Corporation” (Ashton Kutcher), AKA “the richest man on the fucking planet” is a flashy tech billionaire with a product to sell to the masses. A miracle drug called “The Beauty.” He can’t let the side effects make the news or the streams, so he calls in “The Assassin” (Anthony Ramos), a lethal problem-solver that those of us who love assassin films would call a cleaner. As the epidemic spreads and contact tracing fails, Jeremy (Jeremy Pope) is pulled into the cover-up. The problem is, he’s a problem with no purpose and dubious morality. 

Meanwhile, the agents get into some international trouble of their own—getting pulled in different directions with a ticking time-bomb over their heads as they try to stop a threat that’s nothing but pretty poison.

Oh, and the guest stars are a constellation of their own: Bella Hadid, Isabella Rossellini, Ben Platt, Meghan Trainor, Jessica Alexander, Vincent D’Onofrio, and others show up to ask the question FX leaves us with, “What would you give up for perfection?”

When the trailer for The Beauty first dropped, there were conversations about whether or not it borrowed from The Substance. It doesn’t, but it found its hypodermic needle on the same playground. Both are body horrors that question how far everyday people might go to look photoshopped without trying, and what a billionaire will do to make trillions. Money, power, respect—are they really all you need in life? The Beauty is a festival of monstrous madness filled with the worst people in the world. But I found myself morbidly fascinated, needing to know where it’s going and how far it’ll take the concept. Turns out it might be too far, but it’s hard to look away. 

I also wanted Evan Peters’s Cooper to be okay. He’ll never be alright again, but okay is reasonable. Right? Okay, I’ll admit the Jordan Bennett character had me, too. I’m rooting for you, girl, but it doesn’t look good. 

This is a series that feels like a culmination for creator Ryan Murphy, combining the themes of Nip/Tuck with the social horror stylings of the American Horror Story (AHS) franchise.

The best part of The Beauty, if you’re asking me, is the pairing of Jeremy Pope and Anthony Ramos. They need to do more together. Their chemistry is insane—and so are their characters. When you see them on screen, turn up your Yacht Rock. Pope is especially set free to rampage in a character who is utterly unsympathetic and entertainingly demented. 

One warning, for those who aren’t into watching someone peel their skin off, The Beauty might trigger your gag reflex. 

I’m five episodes in, and it looks like I’ll be here all night. That’s when the backstories start to collide, and the inciting incident comes into focus. I don’t know whether I like The Beauty or not, but I’m intrigued. The blood overflows from the runways into the streets in this big dose of pretty poison that’s gorgeously gory.

FX’s The Beauty premieres with three episodes on Wed Jan 21 at 9PM ET on Hulu and 9PM ET/PT on FX.