“I’d break the sound barrier for you.”
Even if I weren’t intending to review Red, White & Royal Blue we still would’ve ended up here together. Based on every Tik Tok, Amazon love letter, and pledge of loyalty written on library bathroom walls: Casey McQuiston’s book is a big swoony romance. And we crave that here on RIOT-US. Also, my fellow rioter, Kat would’ve poisoned me by nestling an asp in my donut delivery. So here we are, as the band Citizen! says, “True Romance!” But seriously, here we are ‘cause this one is juicy!
Confession, I haven’t read the book but you’re still in the right place. For the details on that, get clicky for Kat’s take on the conversation with the author themselves at The Library of Congress. For my part, I did watch the movie, in the cushy theater at the Motion Picture Association—while repeatedly missing my mouth with popcorn out of a box featuring the lead actors Taylor Zakhar Perez (Alex) and Nicholas Galitzine (Prince Henry). So even though I missed I couldn’t lose. What follows is my slightly stream-of-consciousness review.
Spoiler Alert: Kat and I kept smacking each other on the arms and exchanging “oooh girl” expressions for the duration. No lie, I am bruised by the swoon.
“It’s exhausting to look around and see you can’t exist anywhere but in your own head.”
–Casey McQuiston
Up first is the First Son, our POV character Alex Claremont-Diaz (Zakhar Perez). He’s a charming law student who says whatever he’s thinking but makes us adore him for it. His mother (Uma Thurman)—now known as President Uma—runs the United States of America. His father (Clifton Collins Jr.) is a Texas senator—now known as Congressional Daddy. He also has a top-tier best friend in the granddaughter of the Vice President, Nora (Rachel Hilson), Sidebar: Despite being consistently fabulous, Hilson might need a role that isn’t the best friend to an impossibly pretty, queer Mexican-American boy with lashes lush enough to dust your Grandma’s tchotchkes. We ‘Love, Victor’ and we adore Alex, but we want more from her. Up next is our favorite character, Zahra (Sarah Shahi). The sparklingly acidic lines that Shahi serves up please us. She’s so dismissive and acerbic. For example, when she comments on the bad things she’s been subjected to, “I once watched Mitch McConnell eat a banana.” Okay, let’s get back to Alex, he has an archnemesis.
Introducing Prince Henry (Galizine), the love interest. He’s known as the Prince of Britain’s hearts—a compassionate and dashing royal whose upper lip is way too stiff. (Luckily, Alex can help with that.) (I’m sorry) (actually, no I’m not). Henry is a spare heir, who has an appalling William-esque dupe (Thomas Flynn) for an older brother and a classic romance-novel little sister (Bridget Benstead). His granddaddy, King James III, is a surprise and a good one. It’s Stephen Fry! As another gift to us, Prince Henry has an equerry (an attache/assistant) named Shaan (Akshay Khanna). Yes, this movie is a feast for your eye holes.
Speaking of feasts. The story doesn’t begin until there’s a disaster. Picture a royal wedding, a towering dessert, and a shoving match. This meet-cute is a complete CAKEtastrophe. Never doubt the power of getting drenched in $75,000 worth of Victoria Sponge and Swiss meringue buttercream to make love happen. Afterward, in a classic forced proximity trope, Alex and Henry have to play nice with each other. They must become BFFs or face an international incident with political ramifications for both their families.
And then they end up in a closet. I’m giggling but I’m not kidding. That’s where they truly see each other for the first time. What’s next? That’s why we watch the movie.
This is a moment for Boys Love (BL) in the US. Over the weekend, you can stream both Heartstopper S2 and this fresh-out-of-the-plastic adaptation of Red, White & Royal Blue on Prime (Amazon). You are so lucky. Red, White & Royal Blue isn’t pithy with hard-hitting moments of queer misery. Give praise to the pantheon of Queer Icons for that (you know who they are). This movie celebrates being young, queer, and head over oxfords in love. Pop the confetti. We needed this. Not only are the laughs timely and relatable but the screenplay by director Matthew López, with co-writer Ted Malawer, feels authentic. It isn’t every experience (it can’t be), but it is tangible—something that seems to carry over from the book. Our leads are good together too. More than chemistry, they share unspoken moments in between bigger ones, times when breathless stares take over, and sexy yet tender gestures stop your heart and jump-start it at the same time.
I think you’re going to like this one. You’ll definitely be quoting it while rewatching the swooniest moments on Tik Tok. And we’ll be right there with you.
